When Will I Be Famous?

Celebrity Dreams

A while back I talked about writing a piece called The Morrissey/ Morrison dialectic, a variation on the Apollonian and Dionysian dichotomy, the relationship between reason and emotion and pleasure and restraint. It was a joke really, but it’s apposite for what I want to talk about today.

I don’t really like to talk about rock stars, they are too big, they take up all the space. More than that they have their own fans, fanatics and cultural capital.

I want to talk about celebrity more generally. There’s been a lot of talk about the recent BAFTA awards ceremony, and it’s irresistible for commentators; there are countless interpretations of the significance of this event. I thought about this idea that has taken hold about ‘zero’; zero tolerance, and net-zero, and let’s make sure this or that never happens again. The idea that we can make the world safe or eliminate hatred or misogyny or racism. Then at the most curated progressive event imaginable something happens that is outside of everyone’s control.

I also started to think about celebrity; and the term ‘celebrity class’ came to me. We aren’t sure what a class is anymore, but celebrity is an elite, it’s an elite that many of us dream of joining, and it’s also open to people from humble beginnings. In the last century many schoolboys dreamed of being footballers or rock stars (we were told a previous generation of schoolboys dreamed about being train drivers). Towards the end of the century, commentators recognised a shift towards celebrity for its own sake. It seemed that there were people with no discernible talent filling our TV screens and newspapers. Today we have influencers and online content providers, some who are hugely successful within their own circles but often unknown to a general public.

The gentleman at the centre of the Bafta furore, had entered the inner sanctum, here was his chance to live the dream. Those who achieve celebrity often find that it’s not what they thought that it would be. Some don’t hesitate to tell us, other are perhaps too embarrassed or well-mannered to complain about how disappointing their lives have turned out to be. No doubt there are also celebrities, enjoying themselves and having a good time.

In his song Frankly Mr Shankly, Morrissey writes a resignation letter to his boss, ‘I’d rather be famous than righteous or holy any day’. Morrissey was or is the Outsider’s Outsider. In the same song he says, ‘sometimes I feel more fulfilled making Christmas cards with the mentally ill’. I can’t say for sure but that line sounds like it’s coming from someone who’s been there, as Morrissey’s lines often did. But Morrissey is a celebrity now. There’s a Smiths compilation called ‘The World Won’t Listen’, but lots of people do listen to Morrissey. I have some impressive subscribers on this substack, I mean no disrespect, and I could be wrong, but I don’t think that any of them would qualify as celebrities. You might say ‘but Mark, why would you expect any celebrity to read your substack or listen to what you have to say’, you might think that this is my own sense of entitlement speaking, my own resentment about my failure to enter the celebrity realm. I’m not going to argue with you.

Celebrity is like an aristocratic class, a populist aristocratic class, a class that gives you just a chink of hope that you can be part of it. Like any class it represents inclusion and exclusion, popular inclusion and exclusion, you are included on your own merits and excluded if you are insufficiently fabulous. Like any class there will be blaggers and grifters and assorted folk breaking in, who shouldn’t really be there. Some who find themselves there might not even enjoy the company or find that they are wearing the wrong sunglasses or carrying the wrong handbag.

I’ve never been invited to an awards ceremony, and time is running out. Fame has become more democratised, you don’t need to wait to be discovered now, you can make it happen yourself, of course this is a disadvantage to those who seek to make it on their talent alone and lack the necessary cunning and personality to promote themselves. Fame does not look very appealing to me now and knowing my luck maybe one day I will be famous when fame is the last thing I want.